The Beginning

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4

    When telling our story I have to begin somewhere. But my question lies in whether I begin at the true beginning, with my unrequited longing for a boy who barely knew I existed? Or with the email that changed my life forever?
    I guess a child's crush isn't nearly as interesting, but for a little history I'll let you in on a secret, I have liked the same boy for as long as I can remember. And that crush began to transform into something so much more in the fall of 2003.
    After years of staring longingly across church youth rooms and a crowded sanctuary at a boy I only wished I knew, my life took a turn. Not a fully unexpected turn, but one that refocused my attention. It always surprises me the way God can turn our attention to the things that are important, and how he can bring people together in their toughest moments.
    October 8, 2003 started out as a normal day. Just finishing up homecoming activities, laughing with friends, and making a routine trip to the ICU to visit my mom. I know it's odd to call a visit to the ICU normal, and I guess that ICU stays weren't completely normal, but hospital stays were. My mom was sick for most of my life, and though my memories of her do not reside only in her illness, that is how this story begins.
    October 8th was the day I walked into the hospital waiting room and saw my Grandmother (my other primary childhood caretaker) surrounded by nurses and family. I saw tears in her eyes and knew immediately what they meant. After 16 years of hard, but unforgettable times, my mother had finally gone to meet our Maker.
   As the whirlwind of preparations, time with family, and condolences pursued I found myself lost in a blur. What I do remember, is the love, care, and support of my church family and just one, completely unexpected, email.
    I wish that I had kept that email, and I kick myself every time I think about the fact that it's no longer stored away in my folder of every beloved email he ever sent, but alas it is no longer in existence. Therefore, I cannot indulge your curiosity on the exact contents, because truth be told, I remember them very little myself. But what I do remember is the most important thing. The one guy that I had always noticed, but had thought never noticed me, reached out and supported me in my greatest time of need. If you ask him today he would tell you that he doesn't really know why he sent it, but he just felt that it was the right thing to do. I say, God is good.
  I've started this blog mostly for myself, to be honest. I've wanted to get this story down for a long time, but hadn't yet. I think it's time now, and if you'll let me, I'd love to tell you all about it. I'd love for you to read my history, live my present, and look forward with me to the future. Are you ready for this journey? I am.